Saturday, November 28, 2009

The BIG Boss is in da House!!!!!!!!

Beat this twice in a month I am writing after hmmmm well when I used to stay awake till 5 in the morning in Joka, point is I have not been this free in the last 1.5 years. A finance conference in the northern part of the country forced all my bosses to attend the event and I have absolutely nothing to do.

Remember those days when you used to read comics, I used to read it once then again I used to read only one character’s dialogues ( it may sound crazy but do it once its so much fun….adds a whole new paradigm to the whole story).

Well to maintain my high standard work ethics I was not reading comics in my office but I tried to do the same thing with cricinfo/cricbuzz’s commentary and if you pick some random 5 -6 words from the long sentences of their commentary it again adds a new meaning to the whole story.


plenty of confusion as he works it away into the legs”

full on the off, coming in a hint, pushed back”

However it needs a mind as twisted as KRK to appreciate that kind of humor, BTW KRK is suddenly a sorry figure in my opinion. Yesterday I saw him on BIG BOSS (I know I am lame, so STFU a$ %@#$) and even the inmates were taking his case. Imagine a house full of losers who are as close to being called a celebrity as Himesh Reshamiya being called an actor and they are taking somebody’s case. He is the butt of every single joke cracked in those quarters. Sameera Reddy literally ran away when she was asked to dance with him, I have seen (experienced) some rejections myself and it will be safe to say I know how it feels, there are few situations I can think of which can make you feel equally embarrassed I mean that must be like having a black kid when you and your wife are straight out of a fairness cream ad.

But seriously television is going down the hill and I mean big time , at 9 pm there is nothing much to watch so after getting out of the hell hole while having dinner I have no choice to but to switch on to colors ….

And I see BIG Boss. Here are my “ chaar lina” on the inmates.

Tanaaz And Bakhtiyaar Irani:

The Unwanted 72 capsule clearly didn’t work .

Tanaaz ( who is easily the most irritating thing to happen to this world since the birth of VJ Bani) and Bakhtiyaar(well this guy’s name is Bakhtiyaar I can only imagine how much beating he must have got throughout the school to add to this he is married to Tanaaz, no doubt this guy got that –i-have-no-will-to-live kind of look on his face all the time.

Sherlyn Chopra Now here we got a person who wanted to follow the footsteps of Rakhi Sawant , Wrong choice of idols I must say. But she is surely the marvel of human silicon technology.

Ismail Darbar This guy must be bored of fighting with Abhijeet, Bappi da and Himesh Reshamiya. I don’t like my job very much either but watching this guy sitting through all the talent shows as judge sometimes gave me a sadistic pleasure. When Zee tv extracted all the wannabe rockstars from the deepest corner of the country they focused on lil champs…………….those kids know one thing for sure. How to drive adults crazy ….

Aditi Govatikar:- In my opinion she has killed her career for once and all, it was only after watching her without make up I realized how much a lil facepack or a lil mascara can do. Morning hours mein she looks pretty close to a Komodo dragon

KRK :- Leave the poor guy will you , cut some slack he is a just god’s own child born in that part of the country whom nobody takes seriously. But he is 100% unadulterated adult entertaintment

Jaya Sawant : I thought she will be equally bad ass as her daughter but no man I was so wrong, so what she had no clue about how to pray and she had no idea about any hymns ( which is evident in Rakhi’s prayers too “Hey ISSU MAsu hum aapka thanks karte hain kyunki aapne humari table par aaj khana diya”) But atleast she tried. Thank god she didn’t stay for long, imagine what havoc gods might have done after listening to her prayers.

Claudia : - Seriously ???? SHE IN BIG BOSS??? How much recession has impacted the television industry and how strict the top management has become on budget

Raju Shrivastava:- for how long star one could have stretched his repetitive jokes and crass comments. But honestly this is the only guys who came in BIG boss with a clear agenda…. “ I will try my level best to be funny and hopefully some director ( Priyadarshan must be his ultimate goal) will cast me in the next venture”

Rohit Verma : As if we were lacking any stereotypes , a male fashion designer who is a cross dresser. If you had any clues about this guy he comes to the house and utters first words of wisdom

“Main ladkon ke kamre mein sounga ya ladkiyon ke”

Like everybody else watching the show the contestants were equally speechless. Its only people like these who make you feel good about yourself.

Shamita Shetty “ Seriously dude just because your sister won Big Brother in UK you think you can win Big Boss in India. You think this is politics?????????????? I take it as an offence that you guys rate the Indian audience’s intellect in the same level as that of those tea-sucking-fish –chips mongering British punk asses.

Poonam Dhillon :- I think she is looking for a back door entry into Ekkkkta Kapoor’s camp. Playing the perfect mother and the female head of the house she is actually not that bad.

VINDU DARA SINGH :- I have nothing to say but “

“I mean seriously who the fuck is this GUY????? ”

Oh the small clock on the left side of my lappy-top's screen is flickering( yeah cost cutting in my bank too), and the time is 7:55 pm.

If I will leave in the next 15 minutes, I will beat the traffic and will be home by 8:40....... which will give me enuff time to slip into my shorts open a beer and sit in front of my television to watch colors again.

But honestly how can u take a show like this seriously.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Leave your kids behind

Good morning, TEJAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( WTF is TEJA right?? But nobody reads this blog and frankly nobody cares). But as I love the movie Arth and hence taking inspiration from Mahesh Bhatt, I will speak without caring who cares…………….

As always I am staring on my office laptop screen and thinking hard when the hands of time will turn and end a long, tiring and demanding week which involved a miscalculation, an inverted arrow on a presentation and a very displeased boss.

I m pissed and I am furious and being the responsible citizen that I am, I am gonna raise my voice against the torture that is being subjected on poor souls like me since time immemorial

Parents with young kids..IF you can’t control your kids ……….please don’t get them to a theater.
With the advent of DTH and pay per view you Aunties and Uncles (I can get mean too) can actually watch good print movies (legally) sitting in the comfort of your home where you Chintu can be the spiderman that he always wanted to be, or your Tanu can get that walnut brownie she was craving for all her life. But for the sake of humanity please don't get them to theaters as all kids are suddenly possessed by some unknown devil in the dark shades of the theater.

Don’t judge me and don’t get me wrong, I do love kids and whenever I see a good looking lady with a small kid in the elevator I always compliment the kid saying whats your name boy or a gentle smile you know the usual stuff. Like most of the bachelors for me too kids are cute till the time you meet them for nothing more than 15 minutes.

But their likability is inversely proportional to the amount of time you spend with them.

You guys still think that I am exaggerating after all they are just cute and innocent kids. NO ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE.

After living the perfect student life (hostel life) for 6 years working in this big bad corporate world is nothing but a compromise. In the middle of all the appraisals, hikes, and yelling ( my boss yells and I listen ( my boss yells and I listen and i havent had a chance to be a part of the first two in my career so far) ) I have started cherishing my weekends a lot. Being the religious follower of FDNS ( First Day Night Show) I booked tickets for London dreams with few friends of mine.

I got to the theater 10 minutes before the start time of the movie to watch the trailers. I never miss the trailers,( these days they are the best part of going to a theater). So after watching Katrina Kaif's De Dana dan the lights were switched off and lata ji and Asha bhosle appeared on screen for the national anthem.

Reliance is trying to prove their patriotism or god knows what, but their version of "Jana Gana man" lasts for a whopping 3 minute 30 seconds where the last jaya hai only stretches for 35 seconds. In fact the Jana Gana Man in Big Cinemas feels longer than Dandi March itself. But that's a separate issue lets focus on the villains of the story

I saw one cute girl sitting in the front row and the weekend was shaping out nicely............but then suddenly I saw some 5 couples walking up and occupying seats in the same row as mine. The couples were

followed by atleast 8 kids ranging aged between 4-9. Watching them coming one by one I had a bad feeling.
I tried to stay calm and so did the kids, in the first half an hour their demands were trivial and were duly fulfilled by the poor parents. Did I say parents I meant the poor husbands as the Biwis were too busy watching Salman Khan and obviously refused to move.
But then the inevitable happened and suddenly Ajay Devgan started performing Barso re.. and the kids went bersek. Suddenly they lost interest in the movie and the aisle looked like a playground. I don't blame the kids completely as watching Ajay Devgan's performance for once even I felt like throwing my hands up in the air and yelling why god why??
You see even after having a strong urge of getting up and strangle Asin on screen, I didn't do that and you know why ?? Because I CARE.. I know that on a Friday night at least 40% of the theater is full of people like me who book tickets for Friday night shows via their office network on Wednesday morning and on Friday night wait eagerly to get out of the shell.
But people don't let you enjoy those three hours too.
One kid wanted to be Spider man ( I can only imagine the fate of people who watched that movie when this kid was around) but he kept on shouting and chasing his friends trying to spin a web or something.Then three kids refused to sit on their seats and were started running up and down on the stairs.
Please parents please buy a home theater and a BIG LED screen if you are a movie fanatic, buy some chips some beers invite your other couple friends, but make sure they have kids and they are as noisy and as misbehaved as yours are so that nobody is on the losing side. Watch as many movies as you want.
You will have a great time but for the time being spare us ......................

Current Song : Tu Jaane Na
Current Mood : Severe hangover