Thursday, November 29, 2007

Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal-- review

The most awaited sports action drama of the year… Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal starring John Abraham, Bipasha Basu, Arshad Warsi, Boman Irani and Naveen Andrews.
Well the only thing audience waits for after getting inside the theatre is "When this crap is gonna end?"

Its a trend these days to make sports based movies. But the only thing related to sports in DDDG is the title and one or two goal scoring shots. Following the league of chak de India goal takes everything what chak de stood for and beats it to death. In fact goal defies all the basic norms of a sports flick. There are no nail biting finishes, no sight of inspiring football and yeah no motivational speeches. Director Vivek Agnihotri made an average debut with "chocolate", a bad but stylish adaptation of Usual Suspects. But in dhan dhana dhan goal its tough to find one good scene in this whole movie.

The situations are bizzare , the characters are shallow, the soundtrack is awful, the sports action is no where to be seen and the Script is a disaster.
Goal is about the southhall football club which is in deep trouble. They haven't won a single match in the last 20 years they dont have any sponsors and now the club faces the fear of being thrown out and hence destroyed forever. The team captain Arshad Warsi owns a kebab corner" GLassy Junction", the team consists of few beer gulping pot bellied laggards who are more interested in blaming each other for their losses then to concentrate on the game.
But for a team you need a coach." BAM comes Boman Irani" a great footballer of his time who is now a pathetic loser drinking his life to death. Sounds familiar... wait for it there is more to come.
Now a team also needs a striker who by the way happens to be the dimpled cheeks John Abrahim. But Arsad Warsi and John despise each other. So the racism hits John and he is out of his Firang club and joins southhall.
But a team also needs a physician... Kaboom here comes Bipasha Basu the sexy sister of our captain who by the ways is waiting for any opportunity to throw herself on our striker John.

After collecting the team Vivek Agnihotri focuses on so many sub- plots of racism, patriotism, father son relationship and in the end he delivers a product which only taran adarsh can watch and appreciate "read it here". But he sets one thing right and that is right from the beginning of the movie he clearly communicates to the audience what to expect in the coming 2 hours. The opening 10 mins of the movie sets the bar so low and when the south hall club owners dies with a ridiculous heart attack( I m assuming it was that only) you cant do anything but laugh and hence when the Item Number pops up in the streets of london ... nobody is amazed. The stupid football players who flaunt their torso after hitting the goal and you wish they should never score again.

A football team consists of 11 players where every individual plays a crucial role but DDDG consists of 4 players with one or two cameos from the remaining cast. To be honest till the end of the movie i was not able to count 16 players who form the team. I guess Boman Irani doesnt believe in substitute. Nobody except John looks like a player.

Director knew from the beginning that this epitome of stupidity wont fetch him money on the box office that is why he tried to rake in some moolah by idiotic product placement.
There are so many things which are wrong about DDDG but the major blame is on the script. The movie fails to connect with the audience on any level and that is because Vivek agnihotri never tries to do that.
By the time the movie reaches the climax and start singing their anthem( which by the way made no sense coz it was not used properly) you just stop caring who wins or who loses because you will be looking for the exit doors to open.