Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Just Coz I am getting bored

In the last five months I have realized two things
1) I have insomnia and I mean serious insomnia
2) I am a poker addict
Just a little bit of flashback, since the age of 15 I have been sleeping for around 6 hours a day and throughout college even lesser. But now when I started working somehow everybody around me thinks its not normal.
As suggest one should sleep for atleast 7 hours a day.
Interesting point to note here is that both these things are not completely unrelated. It goes like this,
You com
e back from office @8:30 and have dinner by 9 and just at that time your flatmates and other friends arrive. These are the people who love spending time in office as much as I enjoyed Whats your Rashi ...... they are always on time. So you start playing by 9:15 and once the chips are stacked and cards are dealt I am like Shakti Kapoor on Red Bull .... Nothing can stop me then.
Generally around 12:30 -1.00 some people leave but like the Spartans I never leave my ground .... also by 12:30-1:00 I am usually losing and its difficult to get up when you are losing money.
For all those people who think that I am one of those sharaabi, Juaari & kebaabi basically Veeru as explained in the words of Jai ...MIND IT!!!!!!!!!!!! (Eventhough I am a non vegeterian and I do indulge in alcohol but who doesn't right) but I am no gambler.
POKER my friend is no gambling. This was proved and argued by the dude who won an Oscar for the best Original Screenplay .. Matt Damon. Do you have the balls to argue with him??? This is what he said in rounders "Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY
YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?" Now I don't claim to the smartest tool in the shed but that my friend is one hell of an argument.

I am not gonna bore you guys with how great poker is and etc.
I am talented enough to do that without using poker as a prop.
So yeah I end up playing till 3-4 in the morning and next morning I show up at office @9:15 sharp.... well and to my surprise I don't feel sleepy... I am scared as I have seen "The Machinist" and I know what lack of sleep can do to you.
Somehow my mom knows that I don't sleep enough. Every mother's regular question is beta dinner kar liya?? How is office going??. But nahin my mom always asks me did you sleep well yesterday night and I always say haan haan achche se soya tha(lies ) but after so many years of practice, lying to my mom comes so naturally to me.
You can't trust anything these days right people kill somebody and walk away with 3 years of imprisonment, Ready is a super block buster , and Mithunda's beta getting second movie.
But there are some things in life you can always trust and that my friend is a deck of 52 cards.
Now Insomnia is bad not just for your health but it kinda screws you mentally. In my case the after effects are not that obvious but I could feel it.
So now I literall
y have dark circles my eyes are generally red and they are fluttering all the time. Its not like I didn't try to do something about my dark circles. But damn you John Abrahim, that cream is oily and it doesn't fucking do anything.
Also your brain works slightly weird, like somebody will be talking to you and your mind will kinda wander off. Now in college it was all fine coz nobody cares right, but in office people don't take that lightly. Once in a while the excuse of not sleeping enough will help you to get through. But if you show up like a brain dead zombie way too often the deadly pink slip might be around the corner.
Good new I have survived most of it till... so now its 7 and its a Friday night, so tonight I can actually play all night without any guilt or regret.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Ek saal baad

Wooohooo!! One year yes its almost a year thats a lot of time. So, I just came back to my blog and saw 19 comments and I am like oh my god people actually missed me.Well I always knew that I was in the zone when I was writing down the big boss post and I knew I nailed it but then from 1 comment in the last post to 19 comments, well that’s like a growth rate of …ummmm well a really good growth rate, right right !!!

So I decided to reply to each and every comment and that’s when my heart was broken, this blog looks like some classified page, I mean from bad loans, French cheese, escort services to penis enhancement everything has been sold here. I feel sorry for this blog and sorry for my sister and my cute Nepali friend Thapa from Kathmandu (they were the only two regular readers of this blog).But any other visitor if you got benefited from these ads good for you.

So it’s been a year and what has changed in my life, from a strategy role in a Bank (yes they do exist), I have moved to a sales role with in the bank. This is my third job profile in 2 and a half years with in the same company, talk about career mobility. Well that can mean only two things, every team wants me or nobody wants me in their team. I guess you know the answer and yes it’s the first option.

So now I am in a sales role and I sell collections & payments solutions to corporates.That means go to your friend "Google " dig out some contacts and call them, send them emails talking about how great we are and how we can bring in so much transparency and efficiency in your existing processes which will lead to a lot of cost savings etc.

Remember the last time you banged the phone on the guy who was trying to help you by offering a personal loan @18%, or insurance for your credit card.The other time when you were contacted by a female, with a husky voice and just to feel good you tried to prolong the conversation by talking about all the nitty gritty of the product, when you yourself knew that there are higher chances of Ajit Agarkar making it to the national team then you buying that product. So please I request you all not to do that, it hurts it really does. You know you raise the hopes of that person and then you crash it with a sledgehammer.

So as you can see professional life is going on okaish even with all the moves and all the job life remains same more or less. Well right from my childhood I always knew my career choices were limited to studies only because:-

1) Nobody in my family is into politics

2) Nobody in my family has got any connection with the film industry

3) I never had any innate talent in sports/music.

Well if you have tick marks in the either of the above two options, third one is possible.

I tried to explore other facets of my personality to Like I joined cricket coaching at the age of 9 but soon I figured out I can’t wake up at 6 in the morning everyday run for half and hour and do some stretching for another 30 minutes. Only then we were allowed to take on the bat and play. I mean who wants to wait for an hour before playing some real cricket. I felt cheated and decided I am not going to pursue it. Parents were happy only, my father never liked it in the first place you know the usual middle class comment. Cricket khel kar kuch nahin milta, padhai is the only way to arrive in life.

My father bought me a Casio Keyboard too, Roja was released in 93 I was 8 then and I read about Rahman, I started believing how hard it could be right, to create that water drop sound effect in "Dil hai Chota sa". I mean there were 14 modes of producing the same sound on my keyboard. But again wrong within two months I was happy with the pre recorded soundtracks on that casio and inc/dec the tempo was all I could do to create my own music and yeah the famous 6 block of disco beats. Bappi Da built his whole career on those six buttons in early eighties. But I just missed the bus I was just too late

So that leaves one universal option Woking for yourself .

It is a dream we all cherish, and its always at the back of your mind just like other dreams involving Megan Fox. But very few have the courage to accomplish.

My conditions are also kinda stiff ... I don't have any business plan, I don't have any money and yes I am definitely not willing to work hard. So that keeps my options very very limited.

So the only option left is, work enough to keep the monthly paycheck rolling and keep the pik slip at bay.

Current Music : Leaving On a Jetplane

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The BIG Boss is in da House!!!!!!!!

Beat this twice in a month I am writing after hmmmm well when I used to stay awake till 5 in the morning in Joka, point is I have not been this free in the last 1.5 years. A finance conference in the northern part of the country forced all my bosses to attend the event and I have absolutely nothing to do.

Remember those days when you used to read comics, I used to read it once then again I used to read only one character’s dialogues ( it may sound crazy but do it once its so much fun….adds a whole new paradigm to the whole story).

Well to maintain my high standard work ethics I was not reading comics in my office but I tried to do the same thing with cricinfo/cricbuzz’s commentary and if you pick some random 5 -6 words from the long sentences of their commentary it again adds a new meaning to the whole story.


plenty of confusion as he works it away into the legs”

full on the off, coming in a hint, pushed back”

However it needs a mind as twisted as KRK to appreciate that kind of humor, BTW KRK is suddenly a sorry figure in my opinion. Yesterday I saw him on BIG BOSS (I know I am lame, so STFU a$ %@#$) and even the inmates were taking his case. Imagine a house full of losers who are as close to being called a celebrity as Himesh Reshamiya being called an actor and they are taking somebody’s case. He is the butt of every single joke cracked in those quarters. Sameera Reddy literally ran away when she was asked to dance with him, I have seen (experienced) some rejections myself and it will be safe to say I know how it feels, there are few situations I can think of which can make you feel equally embarrassed I mean that must be like having a black kid when you and your wife are straight out of a fairness cream ad.

But seriously television is going down the hill and I mean big time , at 9 pm there is nothing much to watch so after getting out of the hell hole while having dinner I have no choice to but to switch on to colors ….

And I see BIG Boss. Here are my “ chaar lina” on the inmates.

Tanaaz And Bakhtiyaar Irani:

The Unwanted 72 capsule clearly didn’t work .

Tanaaz ( who is easily the most irritating thing to happen to this world since the birth of VJ Bani) and Bakhtiyaar(well this guy’s name is Bakhtiyaar I can only imagine how much beating he must have got throughout the school to add to this he is married to Tanaaz, no doubt this guy got that –i-have-no-will-to-live kind of look on his face all the time.

Sherlyn Chopra Now here we got a person who wanted to follow the footsteps of Rakhi Sawant , Wrong choice of idols I must say. But she is surely the marvel of human silicon technology.

Ismail Darbar This guy must be bored of fighting with Abhijeet, Bappi da and Himesh Reshamiya. I don’t like my job very much either but watching this guy sitting through all the talent shows as judge sometimes gave me a sadistic pleasure. When Zee tv extracted all the wannabe rockstars from the deepest corner of the country they focused on lil champs…………….those kids know one thing for sure. How to drive adults crazy ….

Aditi Govatikar:- In my opinion she has killed her career for once and all, it was only after watching her without make up I realized how much a lil facepack or a lil mascara can do. Morning hours mein she looks pretty close to a Komodo dragon

KRK :- Leave the poor guy will you , cut some slack he is a just god’s own child born in that part of the country whom nobody takes seriously. But he is 100% unadulterated adult entertaintment

Jaya Sawant : I thought she will be equally bad ass as her daughter but no man I was so wrong, so what she had no clue about how to pray and she had no idea about any hymns ( which is evident in Rakhi’s prayers too “Hey ISSU MAsu hum aapka thanks karte hain kyunki aapne humari table par aaj khana diya”) But atleast she tried. Thank god she didn’t stay for long, imagine what havoc gods might have done after listening to her prayers.

Claudia : - Seriously ???? SHE IN BIG BOSS??? How much recession has impacted the television industry and how strict the top management has become on budget

Raju Shrivastava:- for how long star one could have stretched his repetitive jokes and crass comments. But honestly this is the only guys who came in BIG boss with a clear agenda…. “ I will try my level best to be funny and hopefully some director ( Priyadarshan must be his ultimate goal) will cast me in the next venture”

Rohit Verma : As if we were lacking any stereotypes , a male fashion designer who is a cross dresser. If you had any clues about this guy he comes to the house and utters first words of wisdom

“Main ladkon ke kamre mein sounga ya ladkiyon ke”

Like everybody else watching the show the contestants were equally speechless. Its only people like these who make you feel good about yourself.

Shamita Shetty “ Seriously dude just because your sister won Big Brother in UK you think you can win Big Boss in India. You think this is politics?????????????? I take it as an offence that you guys rate the Indian audience’s intellect in the same level as that of those tea-sucking-fish –chips mongering British punk asses.

Poonam Dhillon :- I think she is looking for a back door entry into Ekkkkta Kapoor’s camp. Playing the perfect mother and the female head of the house she is actually not that bad.

VINDU DARA SINGH :- I have nothing to say but “

“I mean seriously who the fuck is this GUY????? ”

Oh the small clock on the left side of my lappy-top's screen is flickering( yeah cost cutting in my bank too), and the time is 7:55 pm.

If I will leave in the next 15 minutes, I will beat the traffic and will be home by 8:40....... which will give me enuff time to slip into my shorts open a beer and sit in front of my television to watch colors again.

But honestly how can u take a show like this seriously.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Leave your kids behind

Good morning, TEJAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( WTF is TEJA right?? But nobody reads this blog and frankly nobody cares). But as I love the movie Arth and hence taking inspiration from Mahesh Bhatt, I will speak without caring who cares…………….

As always I am staring on my office laptop screen and thinking hard when the hands of time will turn and end a long, tiring and demanding week which involved a miscalculation, an inverted arrow on a presentation and a very displeased boss.

I m pissed and I am furious and being the responsible citizen that I am, I am gonna raise my voice against the torture that is being subjected on poor souls like me since time immemorial

Parents with young kids..IF you can’t control your kids ……….please don’t get them to a theater.
With the advent of DTH and pay per view you Aunties and Uncles (I can get mean too) can actually watch good print movies (legally) sitting in the comfort of your home where you Chintu can be the spiderman that he always wanted to be, or your Tanu can get that walnut brownie she was craving for all her life. But for the sake of humanity please don't get them to theaters as all kids are suddenly possessed by some unknown devil in the dark shades of the theater.

Don’t judge me and don’t get me wrong, I do love kids and whenever I see a good looking lady with a small kid in the elevator I always compliment the kid saying whats your name boy or a gentle smile you know the usual stuff. Like most of the bachelors for me too kids are cute till the time you meet them for nothing more than 15 minutes.

But their likability is inversely proportional to the amount of time you spend with them.

You guys still think that I am exaggerating after all they are just cute and innocent kids. NO ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE.

After living the perfect student life (hostel life) for 6 years working in this big bad corporate world is nothing but a compromise. In the middle of all the appraisals, hikes, and yelling ( my boss yells and I listen ( my boss yells and I listen and i havent had a chance to be a part of the first two in my career so far) ) I have started cherishing my weekends a lot. Being the religious follower of FDNS ( First Day Night Show) I booked tickets for London dreams with few friends of mine.

I got to the theater 10 minutes before the start time of the movie to watch the trailers. I never miss the trailers,( these days they are the best part of going to a theater). So after watching Katrina Kaif's De Dana dan the lights were switched off and lata ji and Asha bhosle appeared on screen for the national anthem.

Reliance is trying to prove their patriotism or god knows what, but their version of "Jana Gana man" lasts for a whopping 3 minute 30 seconds where the last jaya hai only stretches for 35 seconds. In fact the Jana Gana Man in Big Cinemas feels longer than Dandi March itself. But that's a separate issue lets focus on the villains of the story

I saw one cute girl sitting in the front row and the weekend was shaping out nicely............but then suddenly I saw some 5 couples walking up and occupying seats in the same row as mine. The couples were

followed by atleast 8 kids ranging aged between 4-9. Watching them coming one by one I had a bad feeling.
I tried to stay calm and so did the kids, in the first half an hour their demands were trivial and were duly fulfilled by the poor parents. Did I say parents I meant the poor husbands as the Biwis were too busy watching Salman Khan and obviously refused to move.
But then the inevitable happened and suddenly Ajay Devgan started performing Barso re.. and the kids went bersek. Suddenly they lost interest in the movie and the aisle looked like a playground. I don't blame the kids completely as watching Ajay Devgan's performance for once even I felt like throwing my hands up in the air and yelling why god why??
You see even after having a strong urge of getting up and strangle Asin on screen, I didn't do that and you know why ?? Because I CARE.. I know that on a Friday night at least 40% of the theater is full of people like me who book tickets for Friday night shows via their office network on Wednesday morning and on Friday night wait eagerly to get out of the shell.
But people don't let you enjoy those three hours too.
One kid wanted to be Spider man ( I can only imagine the fate of people who watched that movie when this kid was around) but he kept on shouting and chasing his friends trying to spin a web or something.Then three kids refused to sit on their seats and were started running up and down on the stairs.
Please parents please buy a home theater and a BIG LED screen if you are a movie fanatic, buy some chips some beers invite your other couple friends, but make sure they have kids and they are as noisy and as misbehaved as yours are so that nobody is on the losing side. Watch as many movies as you want.
You will have a great time but for the time being spare us ......................

Current Song : Tu Jaane Na
Current Mood : Severe hangover