Thursday, December 25, 2008

Do i look like a guy with a plan?

“Do I look like a guy with a plan?” Joker immortalized this line when he said it with the confidence, which can only be equaled by Pakistani army generals.

Well if you ask any one who knows me enough or infact has seen me for more than 20 minutes can tell you I fit the same category. Not because I wear war paint of I have scars all over my face but I have always been that kinda person. Never thought about the consequences and just acted in the moment. Paid some price for it but never big enough to revisit my philosophy of life. But things change and sometimes some things hit you so hard that you need a moment to just stay back and think where the hell did I screw up. It’s more than losing a test match it’s more than failing a course coz it changes you as a person.

People regret things in life we all do. Sachin regrets the attempted lob against Pakistan at ferozashah kotla, Jeetender regrets about that night he conceived Tussar Kapur and Advani regrets his Pakistan visit. But I always thought if I can look back at anytime in my life and can say that given another chance I will do it exactly the same way again I’d be a happy man. We all crave for a second chance some people are lucky enough to get it like Sachin did with his century at Chennai but some people are not lucky enough. Things have been on track till now n pretty smooth and then u hit a roadblock and the world around us starts to crumble.

But with all the roadblocks comes a hope a small ray of light which keeps the belief alive which helps u going which gives us the momentum to breathe to whisper and to live.

It’s easy to understand the jokes of a random guy but its difficult to understand the pain n ironies of life. Just remember the college days when sitting at the coffee shack hours used to go by when chatting and cracking jokes. But the moment some guy will start telling some serious stuff I used to disappear. Life comes full circle after all J

Its been a long time since I wrote something well when life is full of so much happiness its difficult to take out time to stare at the lcd screen and type in on the key pads. Especially when you do the same or at least pretend to do the same for 10 hours daily in the office. But when there is a void in life you come back to things, which make u feel good. I am writing this down because 15 years from now if I will read all this I will feel good that I survived these times. I was so weak at some point I was so regretful n disgusted at some point but I had the courage to fight back I had the will to stand up and walk tall again.

I just lived the most beautiful part of my life and wanna live it longer infact forever ………………

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Phoonk......fall of RGV

Back in 1989, for a north Indian like me any movie from South India meant a hero who looked like the gatekeeper at Taj Man Singh (only two shades darker), a heroine who looked like the "BEFORE" pic model of VLCC slim centers and a villain who looked as if he just came back after having an oil massage,

Bollywood was also having its own troubles

Dharmender was still busy ripping apart enemies and drinking their and their pet's blood in "Elaan-E-Jung", "Hathyaar", "Kasam Suhaag ki" etc. Mithun was busy saving his sisters from Shakti Kapoor with movies like "Hisaab khoon ka", "Daata" and if this was not enough "Gareebo ka Daata" was also released in the same year. Amitabh was losing his ground. Govinda was busy romancing with Neelam and dancing to the tunes of Bappi da in "Aasman se Ooncha".
Amir khan was launched (1988) but then he fell in love with juhi who bhi 3-3 baar in LOVE LOVE LOVE, Salman Khan was shadowed by Bhagyashree in the super duper hit young love story "Maine Pyar Kiya" and SRK was still doing rounds on DD national with his "Circus".
Movies like "Ram Lakhan", "Parinda" made their mark but the efforts were too small to counter the mayhem created by the industry as a whole.
Bollywood cinema was driven by loud music, crazy costumes and villains who loved to see the heroine's "NAACH" before pulling the trigger. "Oye Oye. Tirchitopi wale" was a national anthem and Anil Kapoor defined the spirit of Mumbai with "Bom bom bom bom BOMBAY meri hai".

But in the middle of all this came a movie from South India with a new hero who although had a mustache but was much slimmer than his predecessors. None heard about the hero nor the director. No words about the heroine, well at that time there were no Ash or Katrina so guys hardly paid any attention to that aspect. Sridevi was already an established name in Bollywood and she stopped doing movies with Jeetender.
The movie was based broadly on the same framework as of "AAAAYEEEEEE SAAALAAAAA" Mithun's movie where the hero is squeezed then hammered to the point of desperation. And in the desperation he turns to a man of anger and physics defying movements killing every guy who once had a go at him.
But it was the treatment of the movie, the brilliant screenplay, the near to perfection performance of Nagarjuna and the touch of a true genius Ramu's direction.
The plot was realistic because of background of college campus, there were no "Sarhad paar ke mujrim" or Chemical Farmula to destroy humankind.
Its intense drama, based on the college politics was something to which many students related. Cycle chains were stolen across India to be used by roadside ruffians. It displayed the technical superiority of The director with gripping camera movement. Even though the movie was an intense and very violent thriller each and every character was written in depth and dialogues were realistic.
SHIVA was here Nagarjuna was a superstar and Ram Gopal Verma's name was noticed.
Ram Gopal Verma had arrived and with a bang... this was followed by another landmark horror movie in Bollywood "Raat". RGV proved his worth and established himself with movies like "Sarkar", "Satya", "Company", "Rangeela". Apart from directing movies himself he even produced movies like "Shool" and " Ab tak Chappan" to support promising directors.
It looked like RGV's company is going to bring unconventional cinema with good scripts for years.

But over the years like his taste in woman his quality of movies also deteriorated and which brings us to the latest offering " Phoonk". After watching phoonk I was devastated not by the constant focuses on the bizarre looking soft toys and artifacts in the house, neither by the maid who carried one expression throughout the movie, neither by the hero who looked like a rickshaw driver and had the dressing sense comparable to "Ibu Hatela " from Dombivilli, Neither by the rock solid performance of the crow (he stayed motionless like a rock throughout the movie), neither by the special effects of buzzing bees which clearly showed lack of producer's funding, neither by the grandma who wobbled her head whenever she wanted to and took long breaks in between, neither by the heroine who got 3 dialogs in the whole movie, the list can go on for so long that it might be even longer than the original script.

But I was devastated by the fact that Ramu has become so predictable, its like he has completely lost his touch. The man who defined a whole new genre in Indian film industry is running out of ideas to figure out where to put his camera. He is running out of ideas to surprise the viewer. He is running out of background scores. He is running out of color shades to put on the next frame. He is running out of creativity and the technical brilliance, which once used to be his forte, is reduced to ashes in his latest flicks.

Being the guy who works in the big bad corporate world for 5 days and rely on the regular bollywood dosages to recharge my mojo I feel crushed and suffocated under the weight of my own expectations.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Office Blues!!

As I settle in to my office chair with one armrest missing (apparently my firm doesn't believe in rest), it just struck me that it's been good or not so good 2 months and 5 days since I joined my office. The past two months definitely deserve a post, I mean if I am not going to talk about it who else will.

Getting out of college and entering into the corporate world always scared me and now as I am living it, I realize its one of those few times when I can say " I knew that". Well given the kind of time I devoted to projects and classes in college this situation was more anticipated than Mission Istanbul's failure.

Life has changed completely, there is not even a single day anymore when I wake up in the morning have a look at the watch and can go back to sleep again. Taking a bath everyday in the morning shaving and wearing a tie has become a routine thing like in college watching a movie or a series used to be.
I get out of my room and there is no music video being played on my fronty's lappy, in which a Tam superstar Fat guy with a mustache is dancing with a girl of almost the same size and the cameraman is struggling even with a wide zoom angle to fit them both in one shot.

Two years of MBA, I used to run away from balance sheets and any term which even remotely had any resemblance to finance, and now its showing. I was so scared of it that I bunked 6 lectures of a finance course even though I had a grade drop for the same.

I almost got offended and thought one colleague is abusing me when he said CPLTD only to realize it later that he meant current portion of long term debt. When boss said DSCR I kept on smiling and pretending I didn't hear him. I guess after repeating it twice he also lost interest in whatever that meant. Out of those few client calls I have done I have displayed a financial acumen that I had to cut the phone saying "Hello! Hello! I cant hear you clearly."

I devote a good amount of time in office in listening to various terms nodding and giving that smile which means "Oh I know that" and coming back looking for the definitions in

But as you see its not completely my fault I told this clearly to the guy who recruited me

"Sir, I am not very good at finance but I am a smart & sharp guy, I will learn everything in 2-3 months".
I am still not sure whether he was convinced or he just wanted to teach me a lesson by recruiting me. I mean I can see the dark side now, that time I was thinking OMG!!! he actually bought that... Man I am a good salesman: D.

Now since I am not very good at projections, (my boss can vouch for that) this figure of 2-3 months was not to be taken seriously. I say lets make it 6 months for now and after 6 months we will revisit the number again.......

Monday, April 28, 2008

Short ramblings of a short guy

Oh yes this is me writing again, back to my beloved and forgotten blog. Even though I was getting dead bored watching rakhi sawant’s reaction on IPL Cheerleaders and how it is unjustified to Import cheer girls when we have so much indigenous talent of Mumbai Dance bar girls. Imagine Dhoni hitting a sixer n the song being played is “Dilli ki sardi” or “Choli meri tang hone lagi”.
If somehow u will escape these stupid interviews u can find Great Khali running arnd on your tv screen on every second news channel. Smtimes Khalli is expressing his wish to play cricket smtimes he is gifting a live chicken to BIG SHOW. Even after going through so much torture I didn’t write any blog. But deep down I always wanted to.

First things first after two years on 5th april I got my MBA degree. Well I did the usual stuff like running away from the classes copying assignments n somehow still managed to get my degree on time. Since I was a small kid mummy papa ne daraya dhamkaya but kissi bhi tarah se padhai karwaya( sorry for this but u see it was not rhyming). But they don’t have to try any harder anymore coz I am done with my study days. So what if I don’t sound 1/10th of a scholar as a bareliy university ke 4th year LAAW ke vidhyarthi rannvijaya bhaiya will sound. But the hard fact of life is I have studied continuously for 20 years of my life. I mean rite frm those nursery days when mumma used to drag me to the classes, to the MBA days when I used drag the attendance sheet sign n run I have seen a lot and done a lot.But to be honest m sad coz Mithun da's son is making a debut. Bete Papa ne kam zulm dhaye hain jo tu bhi shuru ho gaya. BUt on a serious note I m sad coz I know this is the end of my hostel life. Those days are not coming back and the last six years were like a dream run for me :)

Second thing is for the second time in my life I have convinced somebody to actually pay for my work:) . This time it is citigroup and even though I didn’t join my last job I have no plans of doing anything even close to that with this one. Still sitting here idle at home is even more painful I have already written a book on how to be a couch potato in 5 simple steps. Second book I started writing but then star news par “Sansani” start ho gaya n I got scared n dropped the idea of writing a book.

To kill the time I am taking cooking classes from my mother( this one is for all the girls… see I can cook too koi to response do). Till now all the cooking has been done under mummyji’s supervision so till now no 70s movies ke comedy scene types situation hui ahi where the side heroine mixes salt instead of the sugar n smhow the director thought it was funny.
Second thing is I have started teaching at a CAT coaching center. Well here also I have taken the inspiration from television only … every morning I used to switch on the tv n anybody who had hair long enough to knit Mayawati’s salwar suit n a beard in which two birds family can live happily ever after….were giving GYAAN. I thought Its my turn to give it back to the community so finally Ankit is now Ankit sir and giving fundaes on how to count the last digit of 310 ….
Well I just hope I m a bit more regular…. At this place.
Current mood sleepy
Current music : tashan

Friday, February 22, 2008


As I procrastinate every other decision of my life like taking a bath, cleaning my room and filling up forms, I have decided that since I still have 313 days 12 hours and 27 minutes to complete my resolutions I will work on those issues later. The only time you can see consistency in my life is when I watch Friday night shows of every freaking and crappy movie releasing that week, rest of the days I am this useless potato.
Yesterday I attended the last class of my 20 years education. No matter if my mom says I have an IQ of a ten year old I am almost a post graduate now. All the while sitting in the back benches in every class i used to think why the hell this clock stopped moving. But now it has moved.
All said and done when I was a kid apart from fantasizing about Jackie Chan’s martial arts, Sachin Tendulkar’s Batting and Heman’s Den I always used to think grown ups have such an easy life. They don’t have to worry about the playtime, home work or the scary Heena Paul Maam at school. But as time passes by you realize it’s the best thing in life.
Well life at IIMC has been a jolly ride. Student life is always easy if you stop worrying about petty things in life like grades, exams, projects etc and start focusing on bigger things in life like movies available on LAN, new places to eat and next daaru party.I have done all that and I had my share of fun, A LOT. Now my father’s ATM can’t take the brunt of my weekly withdrawals and everybody expects me to take up a good job and earn some big bucks. This whole thing scares me coz my student life is gonna end and that too pretty soon.
I don’t think I am still ready for the big dirty cruel corporate world out there. But then if I give it a serious thought I don’t think I will ever feel that I am ready. The worst side- effect of being a fresher in an MBA college apart from the fact that most of the females are elder to you is that you are always confused.
A big motivation behind me doing an MBA apart from the fact that I really liked the idea of getting a sexy short skirt wearing secretary was that I wanted to extend my student life. Now I am here and after realizing that being a Manager is different from what Yash Chopra’s movie tell you. I know the sexy secretary is out of the scene and Microsoft Power Point and excel sheets are the biggest reality of life.But then getting a good job means preparing days and nights for all the interviews and that is something which scares me even more.

My father always says that every person should live in a hostel for once in her lifetime. That makes you a better and more confident person. Well I completely agree with him on this issue. Hostel life definitely taught me lots of things and now soon this is also gonna end. Few good things about a hostel are no matter what time it is somebody is always awake which gives you a chance to barge into their room, no matter what time it is somebody is always playing music and yeah the night canteen is there.

We all enjoy the fun time but now I think I will miss the harder times too.

Never again I will feel the thrill of waking up in the morning and realizing I have an exam in two hour of which I don’t even know the syllabus. Never ever I will have those late nights group meetings which by the way are the least productive activity known to human kind. Never again I will be able to sleep in class, never I will sneak into a class room from the back door or put proxies for my friends.

But when there is a beginning there is an end and unlike Subash Ghai’s movies all endings are not pleasant.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Sunday - Movie review

After a successful “Golmaal” Rohit Shetty’s latest venture is Sunday. With an impressive starcast of Ajay Devgan,Arshad Warsi, Irfan Khan and Ayesha Takia, Sunday looked pretty strong in its promos. I was quite excited about the movie after watching the promos, my only fear was Tushar Kapur, but I thanked god when his name appeared as Special thanks.
Well it’s difficult to give a black and white review of Sunday. You can’t call it an outright winner and not a complete waste of time either. It will definitely fall among the better category of humor of recent times. But still you will have some disappointments.
Sunday is a comedy-thriller where the thrill part is a major let down. Sehar (Ayesha Takia) is a dubbing artist (thank god not an Advertising professional or journalist an innovative profession for sure) living in Delhi who is unable to recall the accounts of one Sunday. She remembers going to a night club on Saturday and going for a movie on Monday but one Sunday is missing.
Ayesha Takia desperately wants to find out what happened on that day, well if one is chased by reckless goons who wouldn’t. Strange people acts weirdly around her after that one missing Sunday. Ajay Devgan is a Cop and prospective fiancĂ©e of Sehar. A Taxi driver (Arshad Warsi) and a struggling actor ( Irfan Khan) are looking for Sehar and asking for 420 rupaye. Ajay Devgan tries to solve this mystery one missing Sunday.
The real hero of Sunday are Arshad Warsi and Irfan Khan, the timing is impeccable, the chemistry is outstanding and when they both are together on screen they give you moments which will make you laugh out loud. The jokes are very situational and it’s the sheer mastery of Arshad and Irfan who instigate a touch of brilliance. The first genuine hilarious scene comes in with the entry of Irfan khan and after that both of them never go down. One scene when Irfan Khan is dressed up as Ravana and the scene where Sehar scares the hell out of both of them are moments of great fun or the HR parody.
Most of the other actors look desperate to make you laugh. Ajay Devgan’s new found love for flaunting his cleavage is beyond my understanding and somehow he was not at all fit for the role. All the time it looks like he is fighting hard to be funny but not quite there. Ayesha Takia was not given the responsibility to make you laugh. Her job was to look pretty all the time and scared sometimes. It was nice to see that she lost some weight after her Miss Thunder Thighs and Hooters appearance in No Smoking, still there is a long way to go. Vrijesh Hirjee’s accent might make you smile for the first time after that he just drags. Many side characters are put in for no good reason.
Sunday is confused, there are few scenes which just appear out of no where and they don’t make any sense. Arshad Warsi’s emotional revelation of his kidney problem is one of the most stupid thing Rohit Shetty could have done. But good thing is everytime after all the mayhem and stupidity Arshad and Irfan come on screen to clean up the mess. In the second half Sunday changes tracks to be a thriller still there are good doses of laughs. But the thriller part is the most ridiculous suspense you could have ever imagined. When the whole mystery breaks you feel like why it all started in the firs place. Casting that cute little bump as the villain clearly shows budget constraints or may be Rohit Shetty was smoking “Classic Milds”. A major let down on the movie is its screenplay. Sunday is full of worthless song placed in the worst possible situations. To add to the agony the music is nothing but great. Rohit Shetty fumbles in all the romanticize sequences and the chemistry between the lead stars never builds up.
In the end I will say if you have some extra cash and some extra cash give Sunday a try for the sake of Irfan Khan and Arshad Warsi’s outstanding performances. Otherwise even if you miss this unlike Sehar you are not missing anything.

I am gonna give Sunday 2.5/5

Monday, January 07, 2008

New Year Resolutions

As the sun sets on 2007 and as a new day begins of 2008, as the memories fade away ….time calls for a new year’s post. As our nation’s brave men reproduce to create a whole lot of 5 European countries every year I thought it’s my time to take some brave steps and put my life right back on track.
So I promised myself and the short Chinaman in Bangladesh Juan-Hu-Tab, who by the way is my blog’s only regular reader apart from me, that I will change all the things which are going wrong in my life.
Subash Ghai is directing a movie in 2008, India has to play two more tests in Australia, and Balaji productions is still making money. So you see there are enough things to be afraid of in 2008. Anyways, here are my resolutions for 2008:-
A special drink:
- Remember when you were a little kid and the coolest thing in life was Jackie Chan’s summersaults or Akshay Kumar’s flying kicks. Well on similar lines since the time I was able to relate with drinking I always thought James Bond style of ordering drinks is the coolest. I might develop something like “ One JD with a dash of lime” or “Double Scotch on the rocks”. Well I have already started working on it and soon I will be as cool as them :P. In the process surely I will get drunk once in a while and again look back to my Dad’s ATM n say “Thank you for everything”

Get a Good job no no wait get a JOB:-
Within two months my placements are gonna start and soon enough there will be blood bath. My father invested a lot in my studies and its time to prove him that all his money has not gone wasted like the money which Ayesha Takia spent on her boob job. Since I spent all my MBA in the back benches sleeping away to glory and cogging my assignments even Rakhi Sawant would be able to guess my state in the job scenario. But I read it in The Economic Times that MBA guarantees a decent job so I m gonna sue its editor if I will become an exception.

Lose some weight: -
Okay this is one thing about which I never thought before. In fact never ever this thought came to my mind that the situation will get so worse that I will have to make it a resolution. But when my final year graduation’s jeans in which I used to slide in swiftly. Then suddenly every stitch of that very same jeans was crying out loud when I tried to put it on. I knew all those pizza slices and beer pints have started to show their effect. I want to avoid all those embarrassing moments when I will have to ask the guy standing next to the jeans counter with “May I Help you” tag on their shirt “Excuse me! Where can I find 32”. The whole fear of upgrading from 30 waist size to a 2 inches higher waist size has forced me to put this thing in my resolution list.

Bunk last class of my MBA:-
I started my IIT days by bunking my very first class. That was purely unintentional the class was at 8:30 in the morning and my alarm clock stopped and one thing led to another and I woke up at 9. But this accident made me realize the fun of bunking a class. Since then I have bunked classes for games, for my friends for quizzes and even for the lift of my hostel not working. So I ended IIT days by bunking the last class. Here I missed the golden chance of bunking in the beginning but since then I have improved a lot and I will end my not so shiny student career again by bunking the last class.

Visit Sikkim:- Its been one and a half year since I am in Calcutta and I had my fair share of free time to kill to sabotage and hang. Still I missed the chance of visiting Sikkim. Two times we booked ticket and due to some reason we had to cancel our tickets. So now I have decided whether my friends will accompany me or not I will go there at any cost

Current mood:Sleepy
Current Music: Kiya Kiya from the movieWelcome